Boundaries, this fancy way of saying “stop” when a situation is not comfortable anymore. Knowing our own bodies and minds, being aware of our limits when it comes to comfort and emotional wellbeing is how we manage to create our own boundaries.
What makes us feel uncomfortable may be different from the person next to us, and the same applies to the level of awkwardness or uncomfortable feelings that we can sustain until we feel the need to say “stop” or to move away from what creates the unpleasant sensation.
That’s why it all starts with knowing yourself. Stay with yourself for a while, think of all the things that are making you feel bad, awkward, uncomfortable, violated, and then you will know when to press the imaginary “stop” button and set a healthy boundary.
Start by knowing your own limits!
As a professional escort that deals with such different typologies of men every day, that must put on a smile and offer a good quality service no matter what, having strong boundaries and sticking to them is vital for both your physical and emotional wellbeing!
So, we’ve just told you what the first thing to do is: sit with yourself, analyze the most uncomfortable moments you’ve navigated till now, think of what makes you feel unsafe, and you have your starting point.
Now that you know what you don’t like and how you don’t like to be treated, set boundaries or limitations before that feeling starts to occur again. You don’t have to wait until you feel overwhelmed, unsafe, violated, and uncomfortable to say “stop”. Instead, you have to say it way before these feelings may appear.
Boundaries that all women should have
There are 5 main types of boundaries: physical boundaries, emotional boundaries, intellectual boundaries, sexual boundaries, and financial boundaries.
Physical boundaries – never let anyone hit you, touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable or do something that you don’t agree with. If one of your dates seems in any way disturbed, angry, or violent stop the date as soon as you can and don’t let anyone cross your boundaries by harming you.
One slap is not ok, is not something that just happens; having someone pull your hair when it’s not part of something sexual that you agree with, is again not ok, feeling like your personal space is being violated is another thing that is a big no-no.
Have all these in mind and think about it like this: it is better to lose a client than to have an unstable one that makes you feel unsafe.
Emotional boundaries – having strong emotional boundaries is the key to a healthy mind and body, because even if we don’t see it, receiving other people’s emotional trash burdens our mind and soul and makes us feel anxiety, stress, nervousness and so on. If a client uses you as his go-to person to vent when he is feeling angry, confused, or overwhelmed, if you can keep an objective attitude towards his emotions, and not let them because your emotions, you’re safe.
But when you feel that your client’s, friend’s or family member’s emotions become to much to handle and you just feel emotionally drained and lacking energy at the end of a date, that’s a signal that you should say “stop” and back away.
Intellectual boundaries – these boundaries refer to everyone’s right to an opinion if that opinion is not hurting others. Don’t fight with the windmills over political, religious, or social events and ideas and try to respect everyone’s opinion without feeling the need to argue about that.
That also applies the other way around. If another person tries hard to push his/her ideas on you, just refuse politely to engage in that sort of conversation and change the topic to something neutral.
Sexual boundaries – every escort should know this by now: state your boundaries both in writing on your profile and verbally when you meet with a client, so that you won’t be caught in an awkward situation when he insists on a service that you are not providing. Be clear and strong on your position and don’t make exceptions from your own rules, because one exception leads to another.
Financial boundaries – as an escort setting your fee and sticking to it is very important. So, don’t accept anyone that tries to bend the rules and negotiate or get something extra without paying for it. Being honest and transparent about your services and your fees is important, so stick with what you are stating on your website and always keep your website updated.